April Fools

The April Fools (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Today is the first April Fools Day where I didn’t play a practical joke.  This is, indeed, a sad occasion.

A few years ago a friend and I released a mock Joint Publication of cyber terms, as in ‘cyber foxhold’, cyber this and cyber that…   a few people actually read it and believed it.  Until they got into the fifth or sixth page of terms.  Then the definitions became so outlandish that…   I can’t complete that sentence, I’d insult somebody.  Bottom line, I’ve always played practical jokes on someone. My poor ex-wives often became drenched in chicken bouillon or dyed water, found their cell phone glued shut, their keys would fall apart in their hands or something generally childish and immature.

I had all kinds of plans to play on you, gentle readers.  I was going to publish a bogus document.  I was going to quit.  I was going to announce the formation of a ‘national information officer’ at the NSC.  I had all kinds of good ideas but I left them by the wayside.  Shucks.

Instead I’ve had a day of surprises, personally and professionally, that have kept me stepping, hopping and tap dancing.   I’ve been asked to help coordinate a conference on Advanced Persistent Threats, and I’ve accepted.  I’ve been offered a really neat job, which will take me away for a while, let’s see if that one comes through (as with all contracting jobs, they’ve never come through, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed).  I’ve been asked to apply for a grant and write a book, we’ll see.  The list goes on and on.

But I had a meeting today about the Federal Trade Comission (FTC), their standards for cybersecurity and how they enforce those standards.  That was my big surprise of the day.  Bottom line, from what I heard it really looks like David and Goliath, of biblical fame.  Goliath, of course, is the FTC, in this story.  I then had a good friend point me towards some of the FTC pages, but the link appears to be down.

At issue is my personal lack of understanding of the standards by which the FTC judges cybersecurity standards for a business.  I am not personally aware of any standards and if there are no standards, how can the business be judged as lacking?   The other almost conspiracy theory aspect of this is ‘apparent’ arm-twisting by FTC officials to force businesses to grant the FTC access to all their records.  The figure I was offered was 41 cases, none have gone to court, all have been resolved by the business granting access (and the incurred cost of an external auditing firm).  The way it was explained to me sounds like extortion (do it or we’ll drag you through legal hell for years).

If any of you gentle readers has experience with FTC cybersecurity, please contact me?

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