I was playing with some Russian trolls on Facebook today.
Trolls are not known for great English skills, and the one I was dealing with certainly fit that category.
He wrote: “People without country dont have any right to open their mcdonalds mouth especially when they have stoled a land after killing the original people.”
No, I didn’t change any of the spelling or punctuation. He really is that bad.
Americans are renowned for being obese and eating at McDonalds, so he tried to get in a double whammy.
He also raised the ever-effective argument that Americans are always invading other countries and killing hundreds of thousands of indigenous people. You know, natives.
It’s a cross I bear. Americans must know that much of the world believes that the US invades other countries to take their land, take their oil, and kill their people. Why? Because, according to all the trolls on the internet, we like it. It’s not at all true, but if you’re going to wallow in the mud with the pigs, oops, the trolls of the world, you must know how they think.
So… I decided to throw him a “crazy Ivan”. Ivan was part of his Facebook name, but I’m referring to an old Cold War movie called “Red October”, where a Soviet submarine supposedly did a crazy change in navigation every half hour while a US submarine tracked it.
My crazy Ivan, however, was a word that I fully intended to use to distract him. A word I made up. Here was part of my response to him:
You’re definitely not a paid Russian troll, you’re just obnoxious, smarmy and teradiferous!
Insulting him as not a paid troll is one thing, using obnoxious and smarmy are intended to make him break out the online dictionary. Teradiferous, however, was a word I made up on the spot and has absolutely no meaning. When I google the word I get all kinds of suggestions, which should either confuse him, entice him to research further (not likely), or come back boasting of his prowess of the English language.
Actually, my intent is to close down my browser and ignore him. Trolls ‘get off’ whenever I respond, especially if I get mad.
I want him to say, in the words of the Rolling Stones: “I can’t get no, satisfaction”.
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